So there was a mighty hunter...(long but worth it)

Who went out hunting one day. The hunter comes upon a field and spies a massive grizzly bear. So he crouches down with his rifle, lines it up just right and Ka-boom! After the shot rings out, he can't see the bear. He looks around left and right until he feel a tap on his shoulder.
It's the bear. The bear says "You little coward. How dare you come to my field and take a shot at me I'll tear your insides out and make a hat then dance on your body and..."
"Oh please don't kill me! I have a family! Wife and kids I'll do anything Mr. Bear!"
"...Ok" the bear sighed. "Go drop your pants and bend over that stump and I'll let you live."
So he drops his pants, bend over and WHAM! The bear shoves something up his ass and is gone before the hunter can look back.
In a fit of rage the hunter speeds back into to town, buys himself a badass gun with a better scope and comes back to the field. He sees the bear, lines up his shot and KA-BOOM!...No bear. A tap on the shoulder.
The bear roars "You worthless little piece of trash I'm gonna turn you into bear shit!"
The hunter begs again "Pleeeease Mr. Bear I don't know what I was thinking Pleeease don't kill me!"
"Ok. Bend over that stump again. This time it's really gonna hurt. The hunter begins to bend over and WHAM! Something up his butt again and gone before he can look back.
In a rage, the hunter goes back to town and buys a god damn bazooka. He comes back to the field, and sees this same bear.
He lines up the shot and KAAAA-BOOOOOOOM! The whole field is smoky. Trees and grass on fire. The hunter is sure he has the bear but sure enough, feels that familiar tap on his shoulder.
The bear calmly says, "Now you ain't here for the hunting, are you?"