So I went to the doctor the other day because it was burning when I had to go pee. It was the most excruciating experience I've ever had in my life, and I was embarrassed to tell my girlfriend about the fact that I had potentially contracted an STD. So I show up to his office and I get ushered in.
The nurse handed me a paper smock to wear while I wait for the doc to come look at me. So I'm sitting there, half naked, just waiting, worrying, and sweating thinking about all the things that could be wrong with me. Please for the love of God just be a kidney stone.
So the doc comes in and starts looking at me. After a moment or two he finally says, "Irennicus, you HAVE to stop masturbating." And I said, "Why, doc?"
"Because I'm trying to inspect you, cut that shit out."
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