Signs the Enterprise is Nearing the End of its Warranty

21: Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.


20: Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".


19: Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.


18: Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now held up by phone book.


17: Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".


16: Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.


15: Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image from flickering.


14: Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.


13: Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.


12: Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along eitherside become too steep for crew to climb.


11: Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2 people on board.


10: Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome by ten thousand care bears.


9: Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni and cheese.


8: Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.


7: Bug in main computer speech processor: computer voice will either stutter or talk like Barbara Walters.


6: Untraceable glitch in plumbing periodically replaces water in Wesley's shower with frozen concentrated orange juice.


5: Ship's dryer indiscriminately shreds crew's uniforms, and related problem in fabrication machinery will only produce new clothing with Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.


4: Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says "Pretty please with sugar on it".


3: Riker unable to sleep for 2 weeks when holodeck computer crashes and loses access to nude volleyball program.


2: Replacement parts for automatic door to captain's ready room are exhausted and door must be replaced with bead curtains.


1: Saucer section separates whenever ship makes left turn.