Rooty the Rooster [NSFW]

Farmer John found himself in a bit of a rut. His crops weren't yelding like they use to, cattle prices had hit an all time low, and he was really strapped for cash. After discussing it with Mrs. Farmer John, they decided to salvage what they had, sell the farm, and move to greener pastures. He kissed his crying wife goodbye and saddled up his horse to make the trip into town.

On the way to the bank to begin drawing up the documents, he came upon his long time neighbor, Farmer Fred, with his two sons pushing overloaded wheelbarrows of eggs into town. There were so many eggs that they were toppling over themselves and breaking on the ground, forming a trail of yolky badder behind them. The family didn't seem to care how many dropped as they walk, and almost seemed to be in a daze upon looking at them.

Now, farmer John was amazed by this; he had never seen so many eggs in one place in his entire life. He reigned in his horse and stopped Farmer Fred and his boys in their tracks.

"Hey there Farmer Fred. I have to ask - how in the world did you get so many eggs?!"

"Well Farmer John," Farmer Fred replied, "I went down to the market the other day and got me one of those new breeds of roosters they just made! They Call them Rooty Roosters and by gummit, this thing has made our hens lay eggs damn near nonstop for the last week! This load we've got here is our fifth haul today alone!"

Farmer John was shocked. he bid Farmer Fred and his boys a good day and hightailed it into town, pulled out a small loan from the bank, and bought himself a brand new Rooty Rooster, which he unceremoniously named Rooty. He cinched up his horse, rode all night back home, and explained to Mrs. Farmer John what had happened. She grab Rooty by his neck, hicked up her skirt and trudged out to the hen house.

"Now Rooty, you go get in there and earn your keep!" Mrs. Farmer John shouted. She flung the coop door open, threw Rooty in, and slammed the door shut. She and Farmer John went back inside and went to sleep.

The next day, Farmer John leapt out of bed, ran to the hen house, and flung the door open. He couldn't believe his eyes! The hen house was damn near overflowing with fresh eggs! He ran back inside, got his wife, and they both jumped for joy. However, when they went to look for Rooty, he wasn't in the hen house - he was found trying to hump the pigs! Farmer John went over and grab Rooty.

"Rooty, Rooty, Rooty, you're gonna fuck yourself to death!" Farmer John said, tossing Rooty back in the hen house and closing the door. They gathered all the eggs they could, went to the market, and sold each and every last one of them.

The next day, Farmer John ran right on back out to the hen house. He couldn't believe his eyes! The coop itself was chock full of eggs to the point the hens were wedged against the wire sides! He and Mr.s Farmer John jumped for joy but when they went to look for Rooty, he was nowhere near the hen house - they found him trying to hump the cows! After moving the hens into the barn, Farmer John went to collect Rooty.

"Rooty, Rooty, Rooty, you're gonna fuck yourself to death!" Farmer John said as he thew Rooty into the barn with the hens. He and Mrs. Farmer John collected all the eggs they could, went to market and sold each and every last one of them.

The next day, Farmer John went out to the barn, which appeared to have crumbled overnight. Hens were mounted atop cartoonishly large piles of eggs, which were still popping out of them as he watched in horrific amazement. As usual, he looked for Rooty but was nowhere near the hens - they found him trying to hump the horses! They decided to avoid any further damage to their property and allowed the hens to walk freely around the farm.

"Rooty, Rooty, Rooty, you're gonna fuck yourself to death!" Farmer John decried as he shoveled egg load after egg load into the back of his newly bought trailer. He and Mrs. Farmer John went to market, and sold each and every last egg they had.

The next day, Farmer John sprung out of bed but with dismay, not a single egg was found anywhere on the farm. The hens were all accounted for, but Rooty was nowhere to be seen. Farmer John went out to look for Rooty. He spent hours looking for him but had no luck. Right as he was about to turn back, he noticed several buzzards circling something out in the pasture. He walked out there to find Rooty's lifeless body laying in the grass.

"Rooty, Rooty, Rooty, I *TOLD* you that you'd fuck yourself to death!" Farmer John said, wiping off his brow.

To which Rooty replied, "Shh, they're about to land."