Rich Man and the Ranch

A rich man owns a multi-million dollar ranch in Puerto Rico. One day, his ranch supervisor, Paco, calls him on the phone.
"Yes, Paco, what is it?" says the Rich Man.
"Well, Señor, I have some bad news. Your prize thoroughbred, he has died."
"My thoroughbred? I was going to make millions off that horse! I'd retired him to stud! How did he die?"
"He died from exhaustion, Señor," Paco sheepishly replied.
"Exhaustion?" screamed the Rich Man, "he was retired! How did he get exhausted?"
"Well, Señor, he had to pull the wagon," said Paco.
"Why the hell was my retired thoroughbred pulling the wagon?" shouted the Rich Man.
"To carry the water, Señor," Paco explained.
"What water?" asked the Rich Man.
"The water to put out the fire, Señor," Paco replied.
"There was a fire? Jesus Christ!" The Rich Man could hardly believe what he was hearing.
"Si, Señor," Paco said, "your ranch house, it's burned to the ground."
"Oh my god," said the Rich Man incredulously, "my multi-million dollar ranch is destroyed. How did the fire start?"
"Well, you see Señor, there was a candle that was knocked over," Paco explained.
"What knocked it over?" the Rich Man asked, although he was so devastated he wasn't sure he could handle any more bad news.
"Well, Señor," Paco began, "I was in the house, and I thought I heard an intruder, so I took your Tiger Woods Driver and hit them over the head, and they fell and knocked over the candle. I'm so sorry to tell you this, Señor, but who I thought to be an intruder was truly your wife. She is dead, Señor."
With venom dripping from every word, the Rich Man screamed, "Paco, if you put so much as a SCRATCH on that Tiger Woods Driver, so help me..."