A man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm.

A man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm.

The show begins and the comedian comes out for his first show of the evening.

The comedian says "A man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm.

The show begins and the comedian comes out for his second show of the evening..

The show begins and the comedian says "A man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm".

Just then a man in the front row stands up and says "I think I've heard this before".

The comedian says "Well maybe you caught my first show of the evening".

The man says "No, I just walked in here".

The comedian says "Well it was a guy looked just like you walked in with a beautiful girl on his arm could have been your twin brother".

The man says "My twin brother's dead".

The comedian says "What is this, a wake?".

The man says "I don't have to stand for this".

And he stands up and he walks outside.

And the comedian says "Are you out there? I can hear you breathing.".

The man says "I'm holding my breath".

The comedian says "Well I'm holding you wife".

Just then the man says "That's not my wife".

And he walks back into the nightclub with another beautiful girl on his arm.

"Who's that lady I'm seeing you with" the comedian says.

The man says "This is my wife. That other lady is my dead twin brother's wife.

You can take her if you want her".

And the comedian says "Not unless you say please".

Just then, a man walks into a nightclub with a tatoo of a beautiful girl on his arm eating elbow macaroni..

The comedian says "Is that girl from Italy?".

The man says "No just hungry".

Just then a man walks into the nightclub, he comes riding into the nightclub, on a pony, with a feather stuck into his hat.

"What do you call that?" the comedian asks.

"An entrance" the man says "But forget that".

Just give me a beer and give my pony a jockey".

The bartender says "I think that pony's had enough already".

"Well make it a short jockey" the man says.

"And while you're at it give that lady's lawyer some briefs".

The lady stands up and says "I can defend myself, your Honor".

And the lawyer says "But I'll defend her honor, your Honor".

The judge says "Well on her or off her, make up your mind".

The comic says "Definitely on her, that's the best offer I've had all day".

"Well take it or leave it" says the Judge.

"Couldn't we just drop it?" says the comedian.

He says "You better drop leaflets before you bomb".

And the comedian says "I'm already bombing".

He says "Maybe it's your material".

He says "You don't think it fits?".

He says "Well it could be let out a little".

The comedian says "How much do you think it will cost me?".

He says "It'll cost you an arm and a leg".

The comic says "Well listen, could you put it on the cuff?".

The tailor says "I'll tell you what I'll do. We'll forget the leg and I'll just charge you an arm".

And a beautiful arm it is.

"OK" says the comedian and the tailor cuts off the comedian's arm and gives him the suit.

The tailor calls his girlfriend and asks her to go out on the town with him in order to celebrate.

He calls on his girlfriend and gives her the beautiful arm as a gift.

She wears it around her neck just like a stole and they go out on the town.

The man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful arm on his girl.

The show begins and the one-armed comedian comes out for his last show of the evening..

He does his act, and the audience stands up and gives him a hand



- Brian Doyle-Murray's Stand Up Routine From The 1970s