Redneck quickies 34

You might be a redneck if...


You surf the net primarily for tater gun building instructions.


Your car is the only one in a parking lot and you can't find it.


You think your IQ is the number of coons you shot out of season.


You ever wonder what happened to that nice John F. Kennedy boy.


The fuel for your main mode of transportation is oats.


You've run out of room on your arm from the tattoos of all wives names.


You refuse to wash your truck on account that you have a strong suspicion that mud and rust is all that's holding it together.


People mistakenly come to your house thinking your having a yard sale.


You've ever told the local sheriff that you smell a pig and he replies, "I knew I should have taken a shower after I slopped the hogs today."


Your idea of a luxury car is one that has the white fur covered seats in it.


You think the internet is a new fishing tool.


There's a pothole in the road and you swerve . . . to hit it.


Your Truck has more Neon on it than the window of your local bar.


You argue to the government that the budwiser plant should be one of the 7 wonders of the world.


Your kids can't go out for Hollween because there's nobody within walking distance to get candy from.


You buy the lot next to your house because you need the room for all your "stuff" (cars, trucks building materials).


Your idea of new siding on the house is more tar paper.


The oak tree in the front yard is an essential piece of automotive repair equipment (how else are you gonna pull the engine out of the old Dodge?)


Instead of locking the doors of your house, you keep a shotgun within reach, "just in case".


You consider pickled deer organs a delicacy.