**Pretext:** In case you don't know who Pancho Villa is, he was a notorious Mexican revolutionary who was one of Mexico's biggest outlaws for (violently) showing his disagreement with Mexican Dictatorship. Villa raised an army of civilians and workers, called *Dorados*, to fight the Mexican regime during the early 1900's. Villa is known to be one of the most badass men in all of Mexican history.
More info and be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pancho_Villa
**Anyways, onto the joke:**
One hot afternoon, Villa and 500 of his finest *Dorados* were riding their horses at full speed through the desert of Chihuaha. Suddenly, Villa lifts up his arm to signal his *Dorados* to stop. As a result, huge amounts of sand were kicked up and polluted the air for quite some time. After the sand settles, Villa looks to his 2nd in command and asks:
"Do you have any chapstick with you?"
His 2nd in command looked confused, and only shook his head in negativity.
Villa turned to face his 500 *Dorados* and yells:
"Does anyone have any god damn chapstick!?"
His 500 *Dorados* only looked at each other, and no one came forward.
A flustered Villa decided to take matters into his own hands. He quickly jumped off his horse, walked proudly towards the horse's rear, lifted up its tail, and gave it a wet kiss right on the horse's butthole.
All 500 of his men were in disbelief at what their general had just done. But no one had the guts to ask him why he did it.
Finally, his 2nd in command could no longer hold back his curiosity and asked his general:
"Pancho, why the hell did you do that for?"
Without missing a beat, Pancho Villa responded:
"I'll be damned if I ever lick my lips again."
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