An officer is parked across from a crowded bar at 3am and sees a man stumble out of the door. The man weaves around the lot looking for his car. He fumbles with his keys, dropping them and trying to put them in the wrong car several times. Finally he finds his car, sits a few minutes, then drives away without his headlights on.
The officer turns on his sirens and pulls the man over immediately. "Sir, please step out of the car. I'd like to perform a sobriety test."
The man steps out slurring his words.
The officer asks him to walk a straight line, which the man does. The officer asks the man to balance on one foot, which he does. The officer is shocked giving him test after test that man performs perfectly. All the while, car after car leaves the bar yelling THANKS DAVE!!
The officer finally takes out a breathalyzer and asks the man to blow. To his amazement, the reading is zero.
Baffled, the officer asks, "you were stumbling around drunk as a skunk, but now your as sober as a designated driver, what gives?
The man replied, " designated driver? Nah, I'm the designated distraction."
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.