- The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in high school was my blood
alcohol content.
- Home is where you can say anything you want cause nobody
listens to you.
- Sex is hereditary; chances are if your parents didn't have it
you won't either.
- If women can have PMS then why can't men have ESPN?
- There is two sides to every divorce, yours and shithead's.
- Everyday I beat my own previous record for numbers of
consecutive days I've stayed alive.
- Isn't it funny how the mood can change so quickly by just one
busted condom?!
- Midlife is when your realize you are so old you have to pay
some one to look at you naked.
- Middleage is when you choose your cerael for the fiber and not
the toy.
- Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a
relative.
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