More Lawyer Jokes

What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?


Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.


Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks?


Professional courtesy.


What's the definition of "a shame" (as in, "that's a shame")?


When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.


What is the definition of a "crying shame"?


When there was an empty seat.


How many corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?


Who knows, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.


How many defense attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?


How many can you afford?


Why does California have the most lawyers, and New Jersey, the most toxic waste dumps?


New Jersey got first pick.


What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?


Your honor.


What do you call a lawyer whose gone bad?


Senator.


What is the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?


You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!


In front of you stand four men: Adolf Hitler, Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein and a lawyer. You are holding a gun which contains only three bullets. Who do you shoot?


Use all three bullets on the lawyer.


What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?


The tick stops draining you and drops off after you're dead.


What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?


A good start!


How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?


His lips are moving.


What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?


There are skid marks in front of the dog.


What is the difference between a dead lawyer and a squished skunk in the road?


The vultures will eat the skunk.


What is the difference between a lawyer and a skunk?


Nobody wants to hit a skunk.


Why won't vultures eat dead lawyers?


There are some things that would gag even a vulture.