Men


Man to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God to Man: "So you would love her."
"But God", Man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God replies: "So she would love you."


God created man before creating woman, because you need a rough
draft before creating a masterpiece.


Diamonds are a girl's best friends.
Dogs are man's best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?


Single women complain that all good men are married, while all
Married women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms
that there is no such thing as a good man.


Ever notice how many of women's problems can be traced to the
male gender?
MENstruation
MENopause
MENtal breakdown
GUYnecology
HIMmorrhoids


What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.


What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.


How are men like noodles?
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need
dough.


Why do men like BMWs?
They can spell it.


What do an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.


Why are men like popcorn?
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.


Why are men and spray paint alike?
One squeeze and they're all over you.


Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.


Why is food better than men?
Because you don't have to wait an hour for seconds.


Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.


Why do men like frozen microwave dinners so much?
They like being able to both eat and make love in under 5
minutes.


Why would women be better off if men treated them like cars?
At least then they would get a little attention every 6 months
or 10,000 miles, whichever came first.


What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second
date?
Slow.


What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

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