Male nurse

Towards the end of the shift, he is assigned to a ward with a number people with no obvious signs of injury or disease.

He goes to greet the first patient. "Hello, sir, how are you today? Is there anything I can do for you?"

The patient replies, "Aboon them a' ye tak your place, Painch, tripe, or thairm; Weel are ye wordy o' a grace as lang's my arm."

The nurse is confused but smiles, checks the man's bedpans and greets the next patient. "Hello ma'am, how are you doing today?"

The patient beams and replies: "Some hae meat, and canna eat, and some wad eat that want it, but we hae meat and can eat, and sae the Lord be thankit."

The nurse is further confused. He fluffs her pillows and moves on to the third patient, who is grimacing with pain.

"What seems to be the matter, sir?" The third starts rattling off as follows: "Wee sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie! Thou need na start awa sae hasty, wi bickering brattle! I wad be laith to rin an chase thee, wi murdering pattle!"

The nurse is totally baffled. When he is done with his patients he steps outside and sees the doctor that assigned him to the ward, outside the entrance. "Doctor, what sort of ward is that? A mental ward?

"No," replies the doctor, "It's the Burns unit."