Jokes for the Ladies!

Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?
A: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.


Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A: Both of them.


Q: Why did the man cross the road?
A: He heard the chicken was a slut.


Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.


Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg?
A: They won't stop to ask directions.


Q: What do men and sperm have in common?
A: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.


Q: How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer.


Q: What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A: The bonds mature.


Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?
A: So men can remember them.


Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don't know; it has never happened.


Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: They all already have boyfriends.


Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A Widow.


Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A: His hand caught fire.


Q: How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes.


Q: What did God say after creating Adam?
A: I must be able to do better than that.


Q: What did God say after creating Eve?
A: "Practice makes perfect."


Q: How are men and parking spots alike?
A: Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.


Q: What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A: They are married.


Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."