How to order a subway sandwich...

So this is probably one of the funniest things I've ever witnessed my father who also happens to be a semi decent functioning alcoholic. This will play a part when understanding who it is he thinks. It took place ~about a week ago~ when my dad and I decided on going to subway for lunch. He hadn't been there in a while and doesn't get out much, but when he does and he's a little tipsy he will play the biggest dumb ass there is with younger working kids and pretends like he was just dropped onto this earth. Some times it can be pretty funny and this one definitely took the cake. So we arrive and I already know what I want so I order. Simple enough right? We all know how to order from subway, well not my dad... This is how his order went.

kid: Welcome to subway what can I make for you!

Dad: Yea can I get one of those turkey melts, thanks!

Kid: Uhhh yes sir? What kind of bread, and is this a footlong?

(Here's the first stupid card he plays. He's literally standing there looking at all the breads written down on the glass)

Dad: I didn't know you had more than one kind I thought it was just white bread? What others are there?

Kid names of all the breads and my dad just says white bread will be fine....then does the same thing with cheese and My dad had thought there was only American cheese... You guess what he got. My dad then asked for all the veggies on now at the begginning. This plays a part for Well...here's where shit really hit the fan. Take a listen

Kid: Sir would you like this heated?

Dad: What do you mean? Do I want it heated?

Kid: do you want me to put it in the oven?

Dad: Well I don't know son I don't work here? This is a turkey melt right, and turkey "melts" are usually heated or toasted in some sort of way. If the oven is your only means of heating this sandwich, then yes please I'd like it in the oven..

The kid just looks like he shit his pants and slowly turns to put the turkey melt in the oven. As he's doing this my dad says very clearly " You stupid son of a bitch". I know he heard him but his back was turned and didn't say anything. Needless to say the kid hurried up once it came out wrapped it up and only talked to me to pay for the sandwiches while my dad is starting to head for the door and right before he exits the door says "Thanks bud". Rest is history.


TL; DR dad orders sandwich, calls a kid stupid son of a bitch, thanks him for the sandwich