FrankenTarzan

One day, Mighty Tarzan was swinging through the jungle, and crashed into a tree, fell, and hit every branch on the way down. He was just able to crawl to the local witch doctor's hut, and blacked out at the door.

When he awoke, the witch doctor said, "Aah, you're awake!" "What happen doctor?" asked Tarzan. The witch doctor answered, "You were in a terrible accident, my boy. You lost your right eye, your left arm, and, well..."
"What else!?"
"Your dick, Tarzan. Your dick" replied the doctor.

"But I fixed you up, and I think I did a fine job of it. I had to get creative, though. See, I replaced your eye with an eagles eye. That's got to be an upgrade, amirite? I gave you a gorilla's arm in place of your old bloody-torn-off-piece-of-shit one." Fearfully, Tarzan asked, "What about Tarzan's dick?"

"I had to use an elephants trunk."
"A what...?"
"An elephant's trunk. It was that or an earthworm. There's probably still time..." "NO DOCTOR! Elephant trunk do fine."
"Come back in a month, Tarzan, and let me know how you're doing, ok?" And Tarzan swung away.

{Two hours later}

"Doctor! Tarzan is back!"
"Tarzan, you have to take time to heal and.."

"Tarzan want to tell doctor about new parts! The eagle eyes makes Tarzan see all of great jungle. New gorilla arm give Tarzan strength. Swinging power. Elephant's trunk..."
"Go on Tarzan. Let's hear how the trunk is doing. What does Jane think?"

"Yes, Jane do like." said Tarzan, "But if trunk stick ONE MORE PEANUT UP TARZAN ASS, TARZAN CUT IT OFF!!"