Desperate lumberjack

A lumberjack gets a gig deep in the remote wilderness of the Great White North. He'll be gone for over five years but the pay is great so he thinks it's well worth it and manages to be upbeat during his trip.

When he gets to the small town, he unpacks his things at the lodge and then heads down to the mill for his first day of work.

After he's done for the day, he asks his supervisor if there's any kind of entertainment around town. He says, "there's a tavern where all the men get together at the end of work. Can't miss it buddy."

So he heads there. When he gets inside, he sees all the boys are having a good time, drinking up after a day's hard work. He goes to the bartender and orders one up for himself. He looks around: some men are playing billiards, others are watching the hockey game, and a few are playing cards. He thinks this is good and all, until it dawns on him: this is a fucking sausage fest. Not a single woman in sight. In fact, he's sure he's not seen a single piece of pussy since he got here. He begins to chat with the bartender about this.

"Hey there, it looks like you've been here for a long time. You wouldn't by any chance know how the men satisfy themselves around here, would you?"

Bartender looks at him and says, "Oh you're the new guy eh? Don't worry friend, the guys have thought all this out a long time ago. Now listen up, I only wanna tell you this once. Every Tuesday at midnight, there's this big ass truck that comes around town for this very purpose. And you know what? Today is Tuesday and you're in luck!"

The guy is obviously excited. He hasn't had any since he got here. He looks at the clock and it's a couple hours away. He waits eagerly. When the clock strikes for midnight, he begins to get up, but is beaten soundly by a stampede of men making their way to the exit as the distant sound of a truck horn is heard. He finally heads out after everyone but the bartender have left.

Outside, upon seeing what is taking place, the lumberjack is suddenly overwhelmed by a deep sense of disgust. A big ass truck has arrived, but its cargo consists of moose - some bulls, some cows - and the men were fucking the living shit out of them. Clearly horrified by what he's seeing, the lumberjack blurts out, "What the fuck is this? This is the most digusting shit I've ever seen in my life!" but none of the men even pay attention to him.

The bartender tells him, "You're new here, can't say I blame you. These ones haven't had any for just under a month now. You'll soon give up."

Lumberjack looks at him, still mortified, "You can't be serious! There's no way I'm fucking a moose!"

Bartender rolls his eyes and says, "We shall see."

So he heads back to his lodge. One day goes by; easy enough, he thinks to himself. Then a week goes by; he's starting to lose it, he's fapped so much that he ran out of paper to wipe his ass. On the second week, he's desperate and has come to terms that fucking a moose is acceptable given the predicament he's in. It's a Tuesday, so he heads to the tavern after work.

He goes up to the bartender and orders the strongest stuff available. Bartender looks at him and merely nods as their eyes meet. He waits like all the others. The lumberjack is no longer ashamed. When the clock hits midnight, the man has already made his way to the door, leaving all the others in the dust.

Outside, the lumberjack takes everything off and begins to smash the first piece of moose he happens to grab a hold of. He's pounding the fuck out of the moose, thrusting profusely in a confluence of rage and pleasure, the animal only able to stand idly by without flinching. Finally, he unloads, and it's the most satisfying hump of his life.

He begins to look around but sees that none of the others has joined in the act. Looking back, he notices that the rest of the men are just staring at him with perplexed looks. Lumberjack is worried he's done something wrong. But he remains cool, turns back and addresses the other:

"Hey, why aren't any of you up here fucking a moose? I've seen you all do it before, what's wrong?"

A voice in the crowd says, "Buddy, that's the ugliest moose I've ever seen!"