Church Releases New Hymnal

Leaders of the Evangelical Laodicean Church in America last week
announced the publication of a new hymnal. "This is truly a
hymnal for the new century," said Presiding Bishop Luke W. Armm.


"This collection of hymns really captures the essence of our
tradition," Bishop Armm explained. "At the core of our belief is
the motto, 'Moderation in all things,' and that applies to our
faith life as well. We just don't like to get carried away."


When asked if the new hymnal will help the Laodicean Church
attract new members, Bishop Armm replied, "Yeah, sure. You
Betcha! People in today's society get kind of uncomfortable with
too much talk about things like commitment and dedication.
They'd much rather have a religion that they can turn on or off
at will. Our church seeks to pander--uh...I mean--meet that
need. This hymnal will help with that, I think."


Editor in chief of the new hymnal, Priscilla ("Presh") S.
Moment, explained some of the difficulty the committee had in
choosing hymns. "Many of the old favorites just won't cut it
among Laodiceans," said Moment. "We had to change a lot of the
wording to make them fit with our style. We tried to incorporate
some new songs into the book, but we had trouble finding
Laodiceans interested in writing new music. Oh, well!"


The title of the new hymnal, Church Songs, was chosen very
carefully, explained Moment. "We didn't want to turn anybody off
with threatening words that no one understands any more like
'Worship' or 'Hymn.'"


Here is a partial list of titles included in the new Laodicean
hymnal:


I Surrender Some
There Shall Be Sprinkles of Blessings
Fill My Spoon, Lord
Oh, How I like Jesus
He's Quite a Bit to Me
I Love to Talk about Telling the Story
Take My Life and Let Me Be
It Is My Secret What God Can Do
There Is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today
Onward, Christian Reservists
Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following
Just as I Pretend to Be
When the Saints Go Sneaking in
Sit Up, Sit up for Jesus
A Comfy Mattress Is Our God
Self-esteem to the World! The Lord Is Come
Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing
Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound
Go Tell it on the Speed Bump
Special, Special, Special
Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word
Praise God from Whom All Affirmations Flow
My Hope Is Built on Nothing Much
O, God, Our Enabler in Ages past
I Lay My Inappropriate Behaviors on Jesus
Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me
All Hail the Influence of Jesus' Name!
When Peace, like a Trickle
I'm Fairly Certain That My Redeemer Lives
We Give Thee but Still Think We Own
What an Acquaintence We Have in Jesus
My Faith Looks Around for Thee
Blessed Hunch
Above Average Is Thy Faithfulness
We Are Milling Around in the Light of God
Spirit of the Living God, Fall Somwhere near Me
Blest Be the Tie That Doesn't Cramp My Style
Joyful, Joyful, We Kinda Like Thee
Just as I Am, with Lots of Excuses
Be Thou My Hobby
Spirit of God, Decend upon Their Hearts