Chuck Norris

Never get tired of Chuck Norris facts, I would say jokes but I might wake up to a roundhouse to the face...

1. When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.

2. When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

3. Michael Jackson could do the Moonwalk on Earth, but Chuck Norris can do the Earthwalk on the moon.

4. Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon or an apple.


5. Human blood types are usually 0+, A+, or AB. Chuck Norris's blood type is AK-47.

6. When Chuck Norris looks at himself in a mirror, there is no reflection. There can only be one Chuck Norris.

7. Chuck Norris needed only one day to travel around the world and he didn't even have to move while doing so. He just spun the Earth around him.

8. Chuck Norris is the only man in history who can be the QB and the wide receiver simultaneously.

9. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He simply decides what time it is.

10. A recent research showed that the saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

11. Fear of spiders is arachnophobia. Fear of having no escape and being in closed or small spaces or rooms is claustrophobia and fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.

12. Chuck Norris's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.

13. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

14. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to continue living.

15. It is believed that Chuck Norris has counted to infinity not just once as most people think but twice.

16. Every time Chuck Norris has a staring contest with the sun a solar eclipse occurs.

17. When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run!

18. When Raymond Samuel Tomlinson implemented an email system in 1971 on the ARPANET, he already had two unread emails in his inbox from Chuck Norris.

19. Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. The next day he won the lottery.

20. Chuck Norris is the only man in history who played Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver and guess what? He won.

21. Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land!

22. Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.

23. Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead, it's just afraid to move.

24. In reality Chuck Norris died ten years ago but Death hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet. Why? Rumors have it that Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.