Chuck Norris Facts: 24

When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.

Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he's roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.

Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.

There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.

In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.

For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.

In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

It is said that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion.

The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.

Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.