Benisms

I have a friend named Ben who says the dardest things. Me an a different friend have compiled a list of the best ones
_____________________________
Max: Have you noticed that people with lisps can't say lisp?

Ben: Really?.. Lisp,

Max: Ben you don't have a lisp -.-

_____________________________
They make up some excuse about an over-time relationship thing.

You mean long distance?
_____________________________

shut up you criticism

_____________________________

You know max, you get what you dish out and if you don't like it get
out of the kitchen.

_______________________________

I think it's a spiff or something!

*********************************

Okay but you can't wake up on purpose.

*********************************

(max) no tresping...wow I can't telk....
Damnit.

*********************************
ben (playing video games): wow I'm sucking so much balls right now.

Max: we know ben. We all know what you do in your free time

Jyo: it's not exactly free

Ben (distracted): yeah...that's why I don't have any money... Wait..

Max: so you pay them to suck their balls?

Ben: faggots...

*********************************
(Jyo): kellen quit being a whore
(kellen): I'm not a whore... I'm a bitch.
*********************************
Like two peas in a pot.
*********************************
(ben humps air)

Max (to ben): ew.

Luke (watching a victorias secret commercial): no...thats awesome!
*********************************

Ben: what are we watching?

Max: dragon wars

Ben: what's it about?

Max: ...take a wild guess ben

Ben: hey you never know!
...faggots...
*********************************
You lose you snooze....crap.
********************************
Jyo: (playing video games): reload! You only have two shots left!

(ben dies)

Jyo: shoulda reloaded.

ben: SHOULDA SHUDDUP!
*********************************
Jewnormous
*********************************
It's $10 an hour. We're just pulling whistles.
(laughing in background)
Shaddap mom!
*********************************
(fire near ben's house.)
"Look the leaves are turning yellow"
"yeah I'd be turning yellow"
*********************************
"wait, where's the boulder bolder?"
*********************************
"well that's cause the fire fires put it out"
*********************************
Orgasasm
*********************************
big fucking well!
*********************************
hey we were CII buddies!
*********************************
max you look like a muffet.
Max-what's that?
It's a mix between a marmot and a squirrel
*********************************
Jyo: what are you planning
Ben: I'm not waging anything
*********************************
oh yeah that's a good tacnic (tactic)
*********************************
stay away from my crocs. (crotch)
*********************************
it was pouring wind!
*********************************
I'm just a little blind
*********************************
Ben-Careful you'll poke your eye out
Jyo-With a poker chip?
Ben-Exactly
*********************************
boofuckinghoo
*********************************
He's like a pirate he lives in ward (crazy freaking mountain town in colorado)
*********************************
Ben-Hey max, look a fish.
Max looks
Ben Steals from Jyo.
********************************
Yeah it was laced with OCD.

You might also enjoy

Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.