Redneck quickies 40

You might be a redneck if...


Your husband spray paints the upholstery of your car to make it look new.


You can identify your friends by the sound of their mufflers.


You think OFF is a fine smelling cologne.


You put a Clapper on your headlights.


You need a dictionary to spell your name.


You don't change your socks until the first pair rots off.


People ask your wife when her baby's due and she's not pregnant.


Your driveway is two tire tracks with grass growing down the middle.


You've ever invited friends over to show off what's left of the squirrel that you shot with your deer gun.


You have more tires in your yard than on your trucks.


The idea for the Budweiser frogs came from listening to you and your friends trying to read the label on the bottle.


Duct tape and wire are the only two things holding your truck together.


Your bumper sticker reads "If you're missing your cat, look in my treads. "


You think the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.


You've ever parked your date next to a YIELD sign hoping she'd take the hint.


Your kids learned to shoot before they learned to walk.


You place a classified asking less than $1.


You think the freeway is the back door of the movie theater.


Higher math means counting over 10.


The lake has to be restocked after you take a bath.


You have a lucky rabbit's foot in your pocket and a lucky rabbit nailed above your fireplace.