asshole

An elderly couple are getting ready for bed. The husband kisses his wife and the couple drifts into sleep. The husband wakes up suddenly to see a tall, pale man standing next to his bed.
"What are you doing in my room?" he asks.
The man replies, "You have died and I'm here to take you to Heaven."
The husband is in disbelief. "But I never got to say goodbye to my wife."
The tall, pale man is silent for a second. "Well, I can't change that, but I can allow you to come back to the world as a dog, a chicken or an ant."
Without hesitation the man responds, "A chicken."
In the blink of an eye the old man is now a chicken standing among other chickens in a pen. After a few minutes of pecking around he gets a terrible pain in his stomach. He turns to one of the other chickens, "What is this pain I'm feeling?"
The chicken says, "Well, you're a chicken and chicken's lay eggs. Just push and it will be over quickly."
So he starts pushing and sure enough out pops an egg. "Wow! That wasn't so bad." But the pain returns. Again, he turns to a chicken, "The pain is back. Are you sure there's nothing wrong?"
The chicken says, "Well, you're a chicken and chicken's don't usually lay just one egg. Just push and it will be over quickly."
So again he starts pushing and sure enough out pops another egg. "I think I got the hang of this being a chicken thing." Seconds later the pain returns and being prepared for it he starts pushing but the egg isn't coming out as easy this time. He pushes harder. Still nothing. Harder.
Suddenly his wife smacks him in the chest, "Wake up asshole! You're shitting in the bed again!"