As Seen On Bumpers

* "Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."* "Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."* "All generalizations are false."* "As long as there are tests there will be prayer in public schools."* "The gene pool could use a little chlorine."* "I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!"* "Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him/her sleep."* "Montana -- At least our cows are sane!"* "Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."* "Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"* "Friends don't let friends drive naked."* "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"* "It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."* "According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist."* "A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."* "Forget about world peace. . . Visualize using your turn signal!"* "Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear."* "Give me ambiguity or give me something else."* "Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."* "He who laughs last thinks slowest."* "Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."* "Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."* "Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."* "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."* "Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy."* "Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."* "We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."* "Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."* "Three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't."* "Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"* "Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"* "I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. "* "Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas - Taking the dog. --Dorothy."* "Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself."* "I'm out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?"