An old man is down on his luck and needs a drink.

He stops at the busy tavern hoping someone will buy him one. He tells everyone in earshot that if anyone puts a piece of wood in front of him, he can tell them what type of wood it is and where it came from just by smelling it, if they buy him a drink.

The bartender says "okay" and accepts. A crowd is gathering and the old man is blindfolded and he places his hands behind his back.

The bartender brings out a baseball bat from under the bar and says "Alright, what kind of wood is this?" The old man bends over and gives the bat a long sniff. He stands upright and says "That wood is ash and it comes from Kentucky". The bartender is amazed and gives him a drink.

A few minutes later a couple of redneck looking guys make him the same challenge. One of them goes out to his pickup truck and gets a 2 x 4.

Again blindfolded with his hands behind his back the old man gives the 2 x 4 a great sniff. He declares "this is spruce and it is from Canada." The rednecks are amazed and get him a drink.

A few minutes later an old old woman sitting at the end of the bar offers the old man the same challenge.

The old man is blindfolded once more and places his hands behind his back. The old woman pulls an old wooden dildo out of her purse. The old man bends over and takes a mighty sniff. He snaps his head back up quickly grimacing. He bends over once more and gives another big sniff. Again his head snaps up and he grimaces.

He then shakily says " I don't know what kind of wood it is, but I know it came off the shithouse door of a fishing boat."