Alan Finkelkraut, an upstanding member of the Teaneck Jewish community, upon his retirement at the age of 70 from the family furniture business decides that finally the time had come for him to make the move that he couldn't have before - to move to Israel where he can end his days.
Over a smorgasbord of pickled herring and gefilte fish Alan Finkekraut announced his intentions to all his relatives and friends: "With my retirement the time has finally come for me to go to the land of my people. I'm going to Israel to die." With arched eyebrows and enthusiastic applause, the guests downed their brandies while looking at Alan with a mix of disbelief and envy.
The very next day, Alan packed up all his belongings and found himself on the first flight to the Holy Land.
When he returned six months later, the entire community was very surprised to see him. "Alan, what are you doing here?" they asked, "We thought you went to Israel to die?"
"I did go to Israel to die. The only thing is, I can't *live* there.
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