A sigh-inducungly terrible and overly convoluted collection of (hopefully) original Tom Swiftly jokes

"That was the *best* bit of slam poetry I've ever heard!" Tom snapped

"And that's what'll happen if you ever disobey me again." Tom belted.

"Listen, I paid good money for this stuff, and I'm gonna make use of it before the cops get here." Tom snorted.

"You went all the way to Spain and you didn't expect that?" Tom said inquisitively.

"Well, tell me where the *right* tree is, then." Tom barked.

"As you can see, I'm strangling this public writer for abusing his official status to preform libel." Tom described.

"Actually, I've been drinking Panda Milk for years..." Tom barely uttered.

"But I'm only twenty! Am I supposed to live the rest of my life with a wig?" Tom bawled.

"I shouldn't have taken the knife out. Now it's even worse..." Tom bleated.

"Listen, my sister can *not* find out about my relationship with her stuffed bear." Tom insisted.

"Sometimes it's nice to just head over to the stream and do a little rowing, you know?" said Tom merrily.

"I feel like we can overthrow the government with you, baby." Tom cooed.

"But it's not illegal if we do it in international waters!" Tom wailed.

"Listen, remember the ShamWow guy? His whole Jailtime thing? Yeah. That was me. I swear." Tom convinced.

"I bet you fifty bucks that you can't live the rest of your life without abusing illegal substances" Tom dared.

"While it's not quite as cost-efficient as the current plan, I understand that your central cooling system would provide greater coverage of controlled temperature." Tom acknowledged.

"What? No, I had nothing to do with it; I'm just saying I'm the Science Guy now." Tom denied.

"I can spell 'definitely' however I damn well please" said Tom defiantly.

"The country and its citizens were-and now will be- richer and happier under our regime." said Tom deliberately.

"Every word I say in my speeches is genuine, and I speak nobody's words but my own. So there's no reason to turn around to see the teleprompters that aren't there." said Tom promptly.

I'm sorry.

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