A man wakes up to his wife screaming about a gorilla in the garden.

Wiping the sleep from his eyes, he staggers to the window just in time to see a huge silverback climb up into a gnarled old oak tree at the bottom of his garden. A little perplexed, he calls the RSPCA and gets put through to the Gorilla Dept.. Turns out this is a common enough occurrence, and before long he is helping an RSPCA officer unload equipment from the back of a van. Officer Terry removes a long pointy stick, a pair of handcuffs, a double barrel shotgun, and a huge Pit Bull Terrier on a chain.

As the pair make their way towards the tree, they see the Gorilla, hanging out, swinging lazily from branch to branch. Terry begins to explain in a thick Australian accent:

"Very simple operation this, basically I climb a little ways up into this tree here, give our hairy friend a couple of jabs with this pointy stick. Sure enough, he'll lose his grip and come crashing down. This is where you come in, mate- you're gonna want to let that dog off the chain. Pit Bull he is, bred special for the job. He'll go straight for that Gorilla's balls, lock his jaws together tight and won't let go til he's torn those bollocks right off."

Terry clocks the horrified expression on the man's face and continues, "This Gorilla ain't a dummy though, he knows all this, its in his nature see, so as soon as he hits the ground, you just watch both his hands shoot down to protect his plumbs. That's where the handcuffs come in mate - you 'cuff him, we load him in the van, and your gorilla problems are over, mate. What d'ya reckon?"

The man mulls all this over for minute, understandably a little skeptical, but finally agrees, and Terry starts his climb up into the tree. With Terry about half way up, the man calls out, "What's the shotgun for?"

Terry stops climbing and turns, deadly serious for the first time all morning, "If I fall, shoot the fuckin' dog."