A Man, an Ostrich, and a Cat, Walk Into a Bar...

The bartender, used to these sorts of jokes, lets it slide. "What'll you have?" he asks the trio.

"I'll have a pint," the man says.
"Just a Coke for me," says the ostrich.
"I'll have a scotch," the cat says. He looks at the man, "so long as you're buying."

"Right," the bartender says, "that'll be $12.75."

The man nods, and reaches into his pocket. He pulls out exactly $12.75 without counting it, and then another $1.55 for tip. He and his animals go find a table.

Later, the three return to the bar. They order a cider, a Ginger Ale, and another scotch, that again the cat isn't paying for. The bartender declares it to be $13.50, and the man pulls that from his pocket without looking at it, and then drops $1.65 for tip.

This goes on for a few rounds, with the bartender naming the price, and the man not even counting his money. Talking animals is one thing, the bartender thought, but this...this is new.

"Right then," the bartender says as the man pays for another round of drinks. "How are you doing that? With the money that is."

The man nods. He's a bit drunk, and feeling talkative anyways. "So, this one time," he begins, "I went to a local discount store."

"Now, in this store, I find a lamp. Bit dented, bit dirty, but it's a buck and I figure I'll take it. I bring it home, go to clean it up, and sure enough, out pops a genie!"

The man gives pause for effect, but again, the bartender is used to this sort of thing, and waits patiently for the punchline. "Right," the man continues, "so this genie, he offers me two wishes..."

"Only two?" the bartender questioned.

"It was a discount genie," the man explained.

"Go on."

"So, for my first wish, I wished to be able to always reach into my front pocket, and pull out exactly whatever money I need to buy whatever I want." The man shrugged. "Be it a pint or a car or a house, I will always have exactly that much money in my pocket."

"Well, that's smart," the bartender noted. "Most folks would wish for a million dollars, or what have you. You? You're set for life." The bartender pulled the man another pint, since obviously he could afford it. "That's very smart; you're a smart man."

"Well, yeah, I thought so at first, but then I made my second wish."

"Really? And what was that?" The bartender asked.

The man nodded towards his companions. "For my second wish, I wished for a bird with long legs, and a tight pussy."