A hermit, a clown, and a witty comeback...

FULL DISCLOSURE: This is a shaggy dog story...

An old hermit has been living alone in the wilderness for many, many years. He decides that it is finally time to rejoin society. He sees in the local paper that the circus is coming to a nearby town and decides that a circus would be a wonderful way to do so.

He takes his seat and first the clowns come out. One sees the old man and says, "Hey old man! Are you a horse's head?"

"Um... no." the old man replies, a little confused over such an odd question.

"Well, then you must be a horse's ass!" The crowd bursts out laughing. The old man is devastated at the humiliation. His first day, his first interaction in decades and he gets laughed at. He tries to think of a witty comeback but try as he might he can't think of *anything* to say in response. He hangs his head in shame.

The next day he heads to the library to grab a few books on witty comebacks. He reads every one twice. He knows he's got it.

He tracks down the circus a few towns over by now. He buys a ticket, sits down, and the same clown comes out. Seeing the same old man he asks, "Hey old man! Are you a horse's head?"

"No, sir, I am not!" The old man replies.

"Well, then you must be a horse's ass!" Everyone cracks up. The old man thinks and thinks and can't come up with anything to say back! Once again, he is devastated.

Now the old man enrolls himself at university, majoring in the field of witty comebacks. He studies hard and graduates top of his class. He's confident he's got it now.

The old man finds the circus again and buys a ticket. Sits down. Out come the clowns. He stares intensely at the villainous jester, who stares right back.

"Hey old man! Are you a horse's head?"

"No, I ain't no horse's head, clown!"

"Then you must be a horse's ass!" The crowd laughs hysterically. The old man knows he's got this. But try as he might, he still cannot think of anything clever to say in response to this agonizing insult. A degree in witty comebacks and nothing to show for it. He's furious now, and storms out.

The old man has had enough. No way the clown is going to get him again. He buys a ticket for China. He travels to the mountains of the Orient, and studies under the Zen Masters of wit and one-liners. Spending hours, days and nights meditating on the fine art of verbal retaliations. Under a shady tree one evening, he finally achieves Nirvana in the ancient art of witty comebacks.

He heads back to the States, and once again finds that circus. He takes his seat, anticipating that it will soon be over. The clown is stunned to see him after all this time, assuming he would have given up by now. You know the question he asks...

"Hey old man! Are you a horse's head?"

"No, I ain't no horses head!"

"Then you must be a horse's ass!" Everyone bursts out laughing.

But finally it's the old man's time to shine. "HEY CLOWN!"

"WHAT, OLD MAN!?"

The old man clears his throat, takes a deep breath and yells "FUUUUUUUCK YOU!"