A few pickup lines to use on the ladies...

I like my women like I like my mattresses.

Immobile and under a sheet


I like my women like I like my contact lenses.

Transparent and shallow


I like my women like I like my four horsemen.

Four of them, willing to ride


I like my women like I like Lance Armstrong.

Possessing of fewer testicles than I


I like my women like I like my men.

Human beings with working genitalia


I like my women like I like my lionfish.

Wet, horny, and resembling a fish


I like my women like I like my classical music.

Hundreds of years old in pieces on a piano


I like my women like I like my avid readers.

Thirsting for the climax


I like my women like I like my congress.

Full of dicks


I like my women like I like my coffee.

Thick, foreign, and filled with cream


I like my women like I like my wine.

Seven years old and in my basement


I like my women like I like my dinosaur bones.

Old, brown, and buried somewhere in Utah


I like my women like I like my chocolate.

Dark, rich, and associated with acne


I like my women like I like my US history.

Butchered by white guys


I like my women like I like my donuts.

Deep fried, with a hole in the middle


I like my women like I like my chickens.

With large, genetically modified breasts


I like my women like I like my gum.

25% plastic


I like my women like I like my dogs.

Loud, shaved, and potty trained


I like my women like I like my old trees.

Dead inside


I like my women like I like my intestines.

Huge, pink, and full of shit


I like my women like I like my phone service.

Dead in the desert


I like my women like I like my doctors, empty boarding schools, and Amazon.com.

Without borders


I like my women like I like my children.

Supposed to come first


I like my women like I like my fields.

Wide open... also being plowed by a horse


I like my women like I like my water bottles.

Tall, strong, and full of alcohol


I like my women like I like my cocaine.

Illegally imported, unable to testify, and spread out on my desk