A few I picked up...

JOKES!

A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "five drinks please"

What begins with a " C" ends with a "T" has a "U and a "N" in it, is hairy on the outside and wet in the middle.

Coconut

What do dentists call their X-rays?

Toothpicks

Dirty bus stop and lobster with breast implants?

Crusty bus station and busty crustacean.

Was going to tell you a joke about my penis, but it was too long.

Was going to tell you a joke about my vagina, but you'd never get it.

Did you hear of the Mexican train killer?

He had locomotives.

What did the shoes say to the pants?

Sup britches?!?

What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?

A dictator.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Tentacles.

Alligator wearing a vest

An investigator

How do you make an egg roll?

Push it.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?

Bison

Call a Masturbating cow?

Beef stroganoff

Fake potato

An imitater

Have you seen the new movie Constipation?

It hasn't come out yet.

Last night I had a gut feeling that something was going to happen.

And then I farted. Do you think in psychic?

Asked an Asian girl for her number. She said "Sex, sex, sex... Free sex for you!

Her friend followed with "it's six six six three six four two".

I like my slaves like I like my coffee.

Free.

Every time you use a urinal, you cease to be an American.

'Cause European.

I recently quit drinking for good.

Now I drink for evil.

I had a dream last night I was a muffler.

I woke up exhausted.



That's all for now.