A chef if having trouble killing a turtle...

It's a high class establishment along the campaign trail, and the Trump posse has just entered the restaurant, with Trump demanding turtle soup.

The chef, a consummate professional, starts working on the food. But this time, the turtle is not cooperating. Every time he goes to grab its head, the turtle shrinks into its shell, making it impossible to grab and be chopped off. This repeats itself multiple times.

Eventually Trump staffers enter the kitchen, irate. "Why is it taking so long?" One of them demands. The chef meekly explains the situation - the turtle won't show it's head.

Without pausing, the staffer wets his finger, and promptly sticks it up the turtle's ass. PLOP! Immediately the head comes out, the turtle staring at everyone like they owe him an explanation.

The chef cuts the head off, and the soup is on the way.

"That was amazing," he says. "How'd you know how to do that?"
The staffer shrugs. "How do you think we get the tie on Trump every morning?"

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