21 ways to survive the dullest of church

- Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests


- See if a yawn really is contagious


- Slap your neighbour. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise
your hand and tell the bishop


- Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs


- Listen for the speakers to use a word beginning with 'A' then 'B and so
on through the alphabet.


- Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the pews ahead
of you. After the service, credit yourself with 10 points for every marble
that made it to the front


- Using church notice-sheets or newcomers cards for raw materials, design,
test and modify a collection of paper airplanes.


- Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to the
front, under the pews, without being noticed.


- Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the lavatory.


- Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure exerted on your
nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your favourite hymn.


- If the sermon goes on for more than 15 minutes, start blowing bubbles.


- Pretend to be 4 years old


- Try to indicate to the bishop that his fly is undone


- By unobtrusively drawing your arms up into your sleeves, turn your shirt
inside out.


- Try to raise one eyebrow


- Crack your knuckles


- Think about your chin for an entire minute


- Twiddle your thumbs


- Twiddle your neighbours thumbs


- Wiggle your ears so that the people behind you will notice


- Practice smiling insincerely