You Know You're From California When...

You Know You're From California When...


1. The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway


2. Your were born somewhere else


3. You know how to eat an artichoke


4. The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic


5. Your car has bulletproof windows


6. Left is right and right is wrong


7. Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income


8. Your mouse has only one ball


9. If you need a new TV, you can run down to the local riot and pick one up


10. You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by


11. You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it


12. You drive to your neighborhood block party


13. Your family tree contains "significant others"


14. Your dog has it's own psychiatrist


15. You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them!


16. You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance


17. More than clothes come out of the closets


18. "The Dead" are best live


19. You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach


20. Your blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse


21. More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers


22. Smoking in your office is not optional


23. You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach


24. When you can't meet schedule because you must "do lunch"


25. Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks


26. Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news


27. You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hottub repairman


28. You consult your horoscope before planning your day


29. A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery


30. When all highways into the state say: "No fruits"


31. All highways out of the state say: "Go back"