EDIT: I have never written this joke out. Most of this joke is about the delivery. This is a successful joke when you are forced into telling one. Use the names of those goading you into telling one!
Johnny, Mike, and Pete were driving late at night when a cat cut in front of the car. Pete swerved to avoid the cat but plowed right into a tree.
The next thing the men knew, they were in what appeared to be a white and cloudy waiting room. They looked at each other, shocked, and thought that they must be in heaven.
Before they could speak to each other, a loud voice spoke up and called to the first man.
"Pete, report to room 13". the first man nervously looked at his friends and walked down the hallway to room 13.
Pete turned the knob of the door and stepped inside. On the other end of the room was a vicious lion. The lion was roaring, gnashing its teeth, and tearing at the ground.
The loud voice boomed...
"Pete, you have sinned. You must spend 10,000 years in this room before you can enjoy the fruits of heaven."
At that, the door slammed shut and locked. Johnny and Mike couldn't believe their ears. What a terrible fate for their friend, but before they could nervously bicker with each other the voice boomed again.
"Mike, report to room 5."
After hearing this, Mike was terrified. He looked over to Johnny but started inching down the hallway to room 5. When he got there, he turned the knob and walked into the room.
On the other end of the room, there is a pack of huge and ferocious hyenas growling and biting at each other. They were howling wildly and snarling, now bringing their gaze to Mike.
The loud voice boomed...
"Mike, you have sinned. You must spend 50,000 years in this room before you can enjoy the fruits of heaven."
No sooner had the sentence been heard did the door slam shut and lock.
Johnny is standing alone now, terrified. There is no doubt that Pete and Mike were both saints compared to him.
As Johnny is staring down the hallway, the voice booms...
"Johnny, report to room 1."
Johnny looks down at the ground, and as slow as possible shuffles to the big door of room #1. He turns the knob and walks in with his eyes closed.
He opens his eyes and on the other end of the room he sees Scarlett Johansson standing there, naked. He cant believe his eyes, rubbing them in disbelief.
The loud voice booms...
"Scarlett Johansson, you have sinned."
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