Big John

A man moves from New York City to the heart of Texas and applies for a job as a bartender.

The owner of the bar says to the man, "You know it's pretty rough around here, I'm not sure you could handle it, There's a stabbing about every night."

The man says he can handle himself, he's seen a lot, and in the big city he had to be tough.

The owner continues to warn the man, "There's also a shooting about once per week..."

Again the City slicker assures the bar owner that he can handle himself and he's still interested in the job.

The owner agrees to put the man on and starts giving some instructions.

"This here bartop is solid oak and has been here for about a hundred years. It's practically indestructible and has withstood all the barfights, shootings and stabbings. When things get rough - and they *will get rough*, I just want you to hunker down behind the bar, stay safe and don't worry about any messes, I'll take care of everything."

The man agrees and is excited about getting started.

Then the owner remembers one last thing.

"One more thing, ", he says, " if you ever hear someone say 'Big John is coming', you just get out of town as fast as you can, don't stick around, don't waste any time, just get out and get out fast!"

That seemed a little over cautious to the man but he agreed.

So weeks and months go by with the man doing a great job mixing drinks, talking to people and staying safe through all the shootings and stabbings. He's got his routine down pat.

Then one night he hears someone yell, "Big John's coming!".

The man stops and thinks, trying to remember what he was supposed to do, and by the time he looks up, the bar is cleared out, nobody in sight.

The man goes to leave the bar, but he sees a **Gigantic** man heading right toward the bar. The man is shirtless and muscular, riding a mountain lion and swinging a rattlesnake above his head.

Terrified, the man runs back into the bar and hunkers down behind the oak bar.

In bursts the big man, knocking the saloon doors off their hinges. Gigantic booming footsteps shake the floor as he approaches the bar. He peers over the bar and shouts at the bartender, "WHISKEY!"

Shaking, the bartender finds a bottle of whiskey and nervously pours a shot for the big man.

The big man drinks the shot and slams the glass back down on the oak bar, and a crack starts to form in the bar.

"THE BOTTLE!!" shouts the big man, and the bartender hands it to him timidly."

The big man snatches the bottle, bites the neck off of it and swallows the glass, then drinks the entire bottle down and when he slammed the bottle on the bar it splinters into a million pieces leaving the bartender exposed.

He looks up at the big man and manages to stutter out, "C-Can I get you an- anything else...sir?"

The big man replied, "NO! I gotta get outta town. Big John's coming!"