Women's English

Yes = No


No = Yes


Maybe = No


I'm sorry = You'll be sorry


We need = I want


It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now


Do what you want = You'll pay for this later


We need to talk = I need to complain


Sure go ahead = I don't want you to


I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!


You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot


You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs


This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house


I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper


Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!


I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep


Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive


How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like


I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV


Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful


You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me


Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead


Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep


I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important


The same old thing = Nothing Nothing = Everything Everything = My PMS is acting up


Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole