What you learn from Kids

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDRENBy a Weary Father- There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.- A 4 year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.- It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.- Baseballs make marks on ceilings.- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.- When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.- A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.- The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.- When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it's already too late.- Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.- A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.- A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.- If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak -- it explodes.- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.- Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.- Duplos will not.- Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.- Super glue is forever.- McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.- Ditto Tarzan.- No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.- Pool filters do not like Jell-O.- VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.- You probably do not want to know what that odor is.- Always look in the oven before you turn it on.- Plastic toys do not like ovens.- The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.- It will however make cats dizzy.- Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.- Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.- A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).