What They Say vs. What They Mean

Women's English:


Yes = No


No = Yes


Maybe = No


I'm sorry = You'll be sorry


We need = I want


It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by
now.


Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.


We need to talk = I need to complain.


Sure go ahead = I don't want you to.


I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!


You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.


You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think
about?


Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.


This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.


I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and
wallpaper.....


Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!


I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.


Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.


How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really
not going to like.


I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good
game on TV.


Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.


You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.


Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]


Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him
until he falls asleep.


I'm not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is
Important.


The same old thing = Nothing


Nothing = Everything


Everything = My PMS is acting up.


Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole.


**********
Men's English:


"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry.


"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy.


"I'm tired" = I'm tired.


"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have
sex with you.


"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have
sex with you.


"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex
with you.


"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with
you.


"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!


"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle
you.


"What's wrong?" = I don't see why your making such a big deal
about this.


"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological
trauma are you going through now?


"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.


"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?


"I love you." = Let's have sex now.


"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now!


"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better
before.


"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't
look that much different!


"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing you that I
am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.


"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have
sex with other guys.


(while shopping) "I like that one better." = Pick any freakin'
dress and let's go home!


"I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together." = I
am gay.