What is their best option?

1) Zelda and Jane were given a rottweiler at their commitment ceremony. If
their dog needs to be walked two miles a day and they walk at a rate of 1/2 mile
per hour, how much time will they spend discussing their relationship in
2) Michael has two abusive stepfathers and an alcoholic mother. If his
self-esteem is reduced by 20% per dysfunctional parent, but Michael feels 3%
better for every person he denigrates, how long will it take before he's ready
to go home if 1 person walks by the cafe every 2 minutes?
3) Sanjeev has 7 piercings. If the likelihood of getting cellulitis on a given
day is 10% per piercing, what is the likelihood Sanjeev will need to renew his
erythromycin prescription during the next week?
4) Chad wants to take half a pound of heroin to Orinda and sell it at a 20%
profit. If it originally cost him $1,500 in food stamps, how much should Nicole
write the check for?
5) The City and County of San Francisco decide to destroy 50 rats infesting
downtown. If 9,800 animal rights activists hold a candlelight vigil, how many
people did each dead rat empower?
6) A red sock, a yellow sock, a blue sock, and a white sock are tossed
randomly in a drawer. What is the likelihood that the first two socks drawn will
be socks of color?
7) George weighs 245 pounds and drinks two triple lattes every morning. If
each shot of espresso contains 490mg of caffeine, what is George's average
caffeine density in mg/pound?
8) There are 4500 homes in Mill Valley and all of them recycle plastic. If
each household recycles 10 soda bottles a day and buys one polar fleece pullover
per month, does Mill Valley have a monthly plastic surplus or deficit? Bonus
question: Assuming all the plastic bottles are 1 liter size, how much Evian are
they drinking?
9) If the average person can eat one pork pot sticker in 30 seconds, and the
waitress brings a platter of 12 pot stickers, how long will it take five vegans
to not eat them?
10) Todd begins walking down Market Street with 12 $1 bills in his wallet. If
he always gives panhandlers a single buck, how many legs did he have to step
over if he has $3 left when he reaches the other end and met only one
Advanced Placement Students Only
11) Katie, Trip, Ling, John-John and Effie share a three-bedroom apartment on
Guerrero for $2400 a month. Effie and Trip can share one bedroom, but the other
three need their own rooms with separate ISDN lines to run their web servers.
None of them wants to use the futon in the living room as a bed, and they each
want to save $650 in three months to attend Burning Man. What is their best
a) All five roommates accept a $12/hour job-share as handgun monitors at
Mission High.
b) Ask Miles, the bisexual auto mechanic, to share Effie and Trip's bedroom
for $500/month.
c) Petition the Board of Supervisors to advance Ling her annual
digital-artists-of-color stipend.
d) Rent strike.

You might also enjoy

Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.