What He Really Means

Insider's Guide to the Male Vocabulary

''Haven't I seen you before?'' = ''Nice ass.''
''I'm a Romantic.'' = ''I'm poor.''
''I need you.'' = ''My hand is tired.''
''I am different from all the other guys.'' = ''I am not circumcised.''
''I want a commitment.'' = ''I'm sick of masturbation.''
''You're the only girl I've ever cared about.'' = ''You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me.''
''I really want to get to know you better.'' = ''So I can tell my friends about it.''
''It's just orange juice, try it.'' = ''3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head.''
''She's kinda cute.'' = ''I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the head might be necessary.''
''I don't know if I like her.'' = ''She won't sleep with me.''
''I miss you so much.'' = ''I am so horny that my male roommate is starting to look good.''
''Was it good for you?'' = ''I'm insecure about my manhood.''
''How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?'' = ''Is my penis really that small?''
''I had a wonderful time last night.'' = ''Who the hell are you?''
''Do you love me?'' = ''I've done something stupid and you might find out.''
''Do you 'really' love me?'' = ''I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or later.''
''How much do you love me?'' = ''I've done something really stupid and someone's on their way to tell you by now.''
''I have something to tell you.'' = ''Get tested.''
''I'll give you a call.'' = ''I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again.''
''I've been thinking a lot.'' = ''You're not as attractive as when I was drunk.''
''I think we should just be friends.'' = ''You're ugly.''
''I've learned a lot from you.'' = ''Next!''
''I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?'' = ''I gotta turn on my answering machine.''