Watch out for that snake

A man named John lives in Texas near the Mexican border. He decides that life is, in fact, short, so he rents a Jeep to go offroading in the desert. Now John has been offroading for about two hours, when he goes over a dune at a bad angle, and rolls his Jeep onto the side.
To his horror, one of the fuel lines was severed in the process, and he has lost all of the fuel in his tank. John pulls his cell phone out of his pocket, and unfortunately does not have any service. Having planned on only a one day adventure, he failed to pack any more than two water bottles for his journey.
John then decides that it is in his best interest to find a direction to go in, and stick with it. Having a couple empty bottles, he fills them with antifreeze from his engine, thinking that even though it is poisonous, it could still provide something to drink when he runs out of water.
He looks at the direction that he thinks that he came from, and heads straight out as the crow flies hoping to find some city. After the first day of hiking in the scorching desert sun, he finds to his horror, that he has drunken all of his limited water supply.
He settles down for the night, not knowing what the next day will bring. Waking up, he finds himself at the bottom of a particularly large dune, he decides to climb the dune to find his bearings and hopefully see a city.
Upon reaching the top of the dune, he looks out and spots a very large black circle out in the middle of the desert, roughly 5 miles away. Feeling as parched as someone can feel, he looks down at one of his bottles of antifreeze and regretfully takes a sip.
Feeling somewhat refreshed at just consuming some liquid, he sets off for the circle. The monotony of the desert seems to make time pass more slowly, and upon reaching the circle, he realizes to his horror that he has consumed half of the antifreeze.
John then decides to lay down on the black slab of what he now realizes is a large, cool rock. Upon almost falling asleep he hears a voice call out, "John". He looks up, and notices a large rattlesnake coiled around a pole in the center of the slab of rock. Dismissing the call as a hallucination, he lies back down. The voice then calls out to him again, "John!" It proclaims. He looks up at the snake, and it opens its mouth and goes, "there we are John! You've figured it out."
Dazed, John exclaims,
"How can a snake be talking to me?"
"I am a magical snake!" He replies,
"And welcome to the Garden of Eden."
John, in utter disbelief, says,
"I must me hallucinating now!"
"John, you are not hallucinating, and you are in fact within the Garden of Eden, or at least what is left of it. I am Nate, and I am in fact the snake that is portrayed to be Satan within the Bible."
"But how is this possible?" John replies
"When I offered Eve what I am about to offer you now, she believed it was Satanic in nature, the Bible misinterprets our relations greatly."
"And what are you going to offer me?"
"Three wishes, I offer them to anyone who passes through my garden, and I will offer them to you now, no questions asked, no tricks or gimmicks, only three wishes."
"First, I'm curious, what is the pole upon which you are coiled, and second, what would you recommend for wishes?"
"I will tell you what the pole is once you have wished for your three wishes, and you are not in very good health, I would recommend that you wish for all of your ailments to be cured."
"Well that does seem like a good idea, I wish for all of my ailments and sicknesses to be cured."
Upon wishing this, John immediately felt the results, it was as if all of the antifreeze and bacteria left his system instantaneously.
"Well, I can see that you feel much better. Now, you haven't eaten or drunken for many days, I would recommend that you wish for never having to suffer from thirst or hunger ever again."
John replied, "That sounds like a good idea, I wish that I shall never have to eat or drink again."
Again, as with the first wish, John felt the immediate results of being cured, and all of his hunger and thirst left his body.
"Good, good," Nate said, "Now because the desert is a very dangerous place, I recommend that you wish to be immune from all injury."
John quickly replies, "I wish to never suffer from an injury again."
And, again, all of John's scars, scabs, and any evidence he had ever been harmed disappeared immediately.
"Now a deal is a deal," John said, "what is the pole you are coiled around?"
"When God created the Earth," Nate replied, "he gave me the responsibility of guarding the lever, which if pulled, will end all human life."
"Wow," John said, "that must be a lot of responsibility, but I too have responsibilities, would you mind directing me in the direction of the nearest town?"
Nate pointed his tail in a direction and said, "30 miles that way is the nearest city, I wish you luck in finding your way home."
"Thank you for everything, Nate." John replied.
John set off in the direction which Nate had directed him, making marathon like pace with his new powers.
John soon arrived in the city, which not to his knowledge, was in fact the Mexican city of Juárez, and there was an ongoing war between the Mexican government and a drug cartel.
John walks out into a street, and is shot by one of the members of a cartel, and he quickly ducks back into an alley. His wound heals quickly, and he is about to bolt out of the city when a hand reaches out of a door in the alley and pulls him into a building.
"The drug cartels have stolen all of our cars and placed the city on lockdown, we are unable to leave! We have seen your powers, and we would be forever grateful if you were to get us a van from one of their garages to help us leave." A woman says to John.
"Alright, I have an equal desire to leave the city as well, and I will attempt to get something to get us out of the city."
John manages to make it the two blocks to the garage, and quickly hotwires a van. He makes his way back to the building and picks up the people who needed help. Upon attempting to pull away, he notices his route is blocked by multiple cartel Hummers. He turns around, and begins driving back into the desert from which he entered the city. Driving as fast as he can, he is unable to outrun the Hummers, who quickly close in on both sides, limiting his ability to turn.
He then begins to see the black slab off in the horizon, and notices that Nate has uncoiled himself from the pole, and is on the ground next to it. Not wanting to hit either of the things, John quickly decides on the lesser of the two evils and yells.
"BETTER NATE THAN LEVER!"