"Everywhere on Earth that Russian speakers exist will be Russian territory in the New Order," Putin declares enthusiastically. "General Zherkoff, show us the map!"
A map of the world appears on the giant screen behind Putin, with many red areas carved out of existing countries. But he slowly looks confused. "General, where are the New Russia territories within the United States?"
Zherkoff looks uncomfortable. "Well, Your Gloriousness, Sir, the demographics of US Russian speakers are kind of...granular."
Putin: "What the hell does that mean?"
Zherkoff: "They exist in small...extremely small...groupings. In fact, usually only in individual buildings."
Putin smiles. "Ah. Well, what's the problem with that?"
Zherkoff gulps a shot of vodka, but says nothing.
Putin: "Well? What kind of buildings host our glorious countrymen in the United States?"
Zhekoff gulps another shot. "Brothels, sir."
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