Various quotes

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in
the same room and let them fight it out.


I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's
going to be up all night.


When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?"
I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."


Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line.
He caught every other fish.


I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With
Pail...Kitten On Fire...


I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are
furious!


My roomate got a pet elephant and lost it. It's in the room somewhere.


I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got
there.


My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the
neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my
yard or I'll throw it at them.