Unsent Letter

Subject: The Letter Bush Will Not Write...


To: Premier Dung


From: President Bush


The United States is truly sorry that your nation is not capable of training your pilots to fly without striking other aircraft. We are also sorry that you people lack the honor to respect the international laws governing collision avoidance between aircraft when flying in international airspace.


We further regret that you cannot be trusted to respect the integrity of sovereign aircraft forced to land on your soil after your inept pilot forced a collision. We truly regret the state of incompetence demonstrated by the People's Dictatorship of China.


That being said, you are holding our servicemen hostage, illegally. You are holding our aircraft, illegally. I am sorry to inform you that all your Ambassadors, aides, businessmen, and students currently residing in the United States will have their visas revoked at midnight tonight.


I am also sorry to inform you that all Chinese assets in the United States are frozen. I am sorry to inform Beanie Baby collectors that all imports from the PDC will be halted. All foreign aid monies to the PDC and all IMF etc., funds are cancelled.


I am not sorry to announce, however, that sales of advanced technology military equipment to the Republic of Taiwan will be accelerated. Nor am I sorry to announce that two additional carrier battle groups will be assigned to patrol the waters off the coasts of the PDC. I'm sure I can think of more things to do if I don't have my airmen and airplane returned by midnight, tonight.


Your friend,


George W. Bush