Topical Jokes for 10/19

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

Carmaker Audi has tested a driver-less car at speeds of up to 140 mph. The driver-less supercar is perfect for the parent who’s too drunk to drive, but needs to pick their kids up from school in three seconds.

In Beijing, thousands of marathon runners wore face masks because it’s hard to breathe the city’s polluted air. It turned out many of the people running weren’t actually in the marathon, they were just running to get out of Beijing.

Apple’s new wireless payment service Apple Pay is available this week. Once you’ve installed Apple Pay on your iPhone, you’ll instantly be charged for U2’s new album.

…Apple Pay allows you to easily send ransom payments whenever hackers steal the naked pictures from your iPhone.

In Colorado, parents are being urged to check their Halloween candy to see if it’s been laced with marijuana. Once they’ve confirmed that the candy doesn’t have marijuana in it, they should immediately throw it in the trash.

…Colorado parents are going to be especially vigilant, when they wake their kids up at 3pm, to go trick-or-treating on November 2nd.

You might also enjoy

Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.