Hey, guys. Shall we get to it?
First up, big news in the political world is that Michele Bachmann won't be seeking reelection. Bachmann says she'll just keep herself busy as a stay-at-hellish-chasm-of-ignorant-despair mom.
Bizarre story, James Lipton revealed he once employed prostitutes as a professional pimp. He even once hosted a hooker-themed episode of his show entitled "Inside the Actor's Studio-Apartment: Charlie Sheen".
In an act of goodwill, President Obama and Governor Christie toured the Jersey Shore together. Obama even got a chance to play his favorite boardwalk game, Whack an Associated Press Mole.
The FDA warns that cases of children accidentally ingesting pot are on the rise. So know the signs, like if your baby starts yelling "Freebird!" at The Wiggles concert.
Donald Trump is reportedly now eyeing to run in the '16 presidential election. "The Apprentice" showrunner and founder of The Trump Organization even promises to stay nonpartisan by hiring a politically diverse cabinet staffed by each of Gary Busey's multiple personalities.
This was bound to happen, Beyonce was reportedly spanked by a fan during a concert in Denmark. What's weirder is right after that, his hand immediately ascended into heaven.
Big story around the speller circuit, The Scripps National Spelling Bee will change its rules to make it even harder. From now on, Scripps will include "YouTube Commenter" as a new spelling dialect of origin.
That's all for now. Check out /u/JonasPolsky and /u/FridayUpdate for more!
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