Welcome back, everybody! We've got some more news and, thus, more jokes. Let's get started.
Right off the bat, more on President Obama. Following a week of scandals, President Obama played golf with Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood. Things got a little tense when Obama had IRS agents audit LaHood's claim that it only took him two strokes to clear the hole 17 bunker.
Interesting story, the Dalai Lama recently gave a commencement speech in the US. It was at this University that the Dalai Lama instructed the girls of Kappa Gamma how to follow the Eightfold Walk of Shame.
Next up, a little romance. Despite a troubled marriage, sources say Sharon Osbourne kissed Ozzy at a LGBT event - though Sharon just thought she was showing support LGBT by kissing the closest thing to her that looked like an old woman.
Here's a strange one. The infamous "Tanning Mom" has released a music video. The video is a heartwarming compliment to Tanning Mom's so-stellar-it's-over-radiated love song, "Mela-no-man Can Love Me Like You Do".
Smells like a pun...
Alrighty, Kardashians. What's going on? It appears that Khloe Kardashian is now in a legal battle with New York Governor Cuomo. Sources say Khloe is having trouble passing a bill that would register her pubes as a state forest.
Back to politics, John McCain has reached out to be President Obama's ally during the Benghazi scandal. And in further acts of bipartisan goodwill, McCain has agreed to be Biden's wingman as he trolls the shuffleboard courts for, Biden's quote, "primo cutlets of grandmamasita".
Big news! Mattel is looking to move Barbie's "Dreamhouse" to Manhattan. While Ken is looking to finally move into that Chelsea flat with his "roommate" G.I. Joe.
And finally, Governor Christie came out as a global warming denier - though, in his defense, it's tough to see the ice is melting when it only takes you half a second to gorge down the Bomb Pop.
Thank you all so much for reading. Just trying to lighten up a Monday. See you tomorrow!
Just in case, here's the Twitter handle https://twitter.com/boydstantinople.
EDIT: More jokes, of course!
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