Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!"
Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes
Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling
By the time he gets to your house, all he has left are styrofoam peanuts
Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his bed.
Instead of "Naughty" or "Nice", Santa has him on the dork list
Sends him off on one of them Carnival Cruises with Kathie Lee
First words when kid gets on his lap are, "Touch my beard and I'll put the hurt on you."
Labels on all your kid's toys read "Straight from Craptown."
Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!"
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